Book of Secrets

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend, hmmm not chatting exactly we were flirting, at least I was. Actually it’s the first time I flirted via SMS; I have to say I did like it. Usually I do flirt (talking) of course based on the mood. But I have to say while flirting with him there was zero mischievous intentions, just was in a mood to flirt. Of course we did not start as flirting, we were just chatting, but if you are gay, then I am sure flirting is a part of chatting. But sometimes when I read his response, I felt like going and whacking and ask him if he doesn’t know to flirt, due to some earlier issues he was always having the doubt if I am flirting or getting serious. Anyways, later the evening I met him, and he turned out to be a cool hot guy, as depicted.

No no, this post is not about him. It’s about a contradiction that got triggered during the chats.  Let’s rewind (of course these won’t be exact words)

Me: There are only a few people that I will trust my life, my secrets with, and it’s not necessary that my boyfriend has to be in that list. 

Hot guy: Your boy friend need to know every apart of you there should not be any secrets between boyfriends.

Me: Of course he can know all part of me, Physically.

Hot Guy: There should never be secrets in between both of you (or something like that)

Me:  Just because he is my boyfriend doesn’t mean he gets free passage ticket to my secrets.  He may eventually turn out to be a part of my trust circle.

Ok most of you will agree with the Hot Guy, but do you think it’s that boyfriends need to be an open book. Ill recommend a clean slate.

Hey don’t think that this is not restricted only to gay relationships, I am talking of whatever relationship that comes to your mind. . According to me Trust is something that has to be earned; it’s never a free pass. As Beyonce says " Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if its broken", Lady Gaga " But you can still see the crack in M.....F reflection"---- Telephone  

Ga Ga

Lady GaGa. .... When all my friends in the Gay world were going, Lady Gay Gay over her, I was like Yuck when I saw her videos. Come-on you can’t blame me, she has got weird factor prominent in all her videos. But I have to say there is something in her music or videos that make me want to watch it again and again. May be it’s the cool music, or weirdness in the videos or the amazing choreography. Whoever her choreographer is, he is doing an amazing job. Next time you watch her video, just imagine her dancing in a sexy costume, without all those weird kinky costumes, and you will find that those are cool steps. And those background dancers are perfecto.



Now days we have gone so used to her weirdness that if she gives a performances, or brings out a video without it, then we might not recognise her. She made the weirdness look cool; she is a style icon, if I may say so.

Oil & Vinegar

Hey church goers what is the first thing that you notice once you enter the church? What I first notice at Ruwi church is the flowers at the altar. This Sunday also I was admiring at the tint of blue among the greens and yellows, kinda sexy. Anyways last Sunday, the church was celebrating Mission Sunday, so the sermon was related to missionaries throughout the world. Seriously I don’t remember what the priest was trying to convey. But something that strokes me was the loneliness of these missionaries. How much all these priest and nuns would be craving for a hug. Hey I crave for hug every now and then, so how on earth are they living without being able to hug, or show any physical expression of love. The first thing that I am going to do on reaching home next time is give my brother a huge hug, he is a priest. Ya these missionaries do sometimes live in bizarre conditions to fulfil the work of the lord and share the news of the church, but if u asks me it’s this willing emotional isolation that makes them different from all of us. Hats off to all you guys. Though I was fascinated with the priest’s ceremonial robes, and in lower school I used to tell that I want to be a priest, it definitely was a good thing that I came to my senses before ............

(I am a catholic, so all my expressions are based on catholic priest)



Ok leaving the priests and nuns far away lets come to married life. Yesterday one of my friends called and told she got married last week.

Normal Person: Congratulations,
Me: even I said congratulations
She cries and tells that she ran away from family, shamed the parents and got married.

Normal Person: Sorry to hear that, but now you both are married don’t cry be happy
Me: Wow, you had a bollywood style, filmi marriage
Even she was taken aback hearing my reaction. Of all the people this was the weirdest reaction she got it seems. Ya I have proved myself to be nut case. But after the initial out blast I became the normal person, consoling, advising, and wishing them all the very best and stuff.




That song was to my prospective lover boy...lol

Relationships

Last 2 months I witnessed the breakup of three gay relationships. Isn’t gay relationships meant to work out?

These incidents made me wonder will there not be a ‘and they lived happy ever after’ ending in gay relationship. So I began to compare both gay and straight relationships, actually breakup does happen in plenty in straight relationships too, it’s just that we are so used to it that we do not take notice of it. Actually I was happy when I realized that. It just gave clarity that Relationships are hard be it gay or straight.

Interestingly if infidelity was the major reason for straight break up, the reason for gay breakups still remains a mystery. Everything seems to go fine, and one moment woof the bond is broken. But yes the common factor in those three break ups were distance. I guess distance does play a very important part in relationships. Me being a sucker to be in a relationship, remember asking a friend of mine, if anything will work out between us, and he replied that, if you were here, then we could have given a try.

The holding of hands, a hug, cuddle, etc, physical contact in some form or other seems to play a major role in any relationships. Don’t get me wrong but even in friendships it’s the same, a pat on the back, working out, cooking or doing the chores together, a drive etc have found to create wonders. As Massimo says to Steve in ‘Wedding Planner’, let’s do the male bonding. Physical closeness acts like the unseen binding force.

Yesterday, even I was craving for a hug. And I had written that to an online friend and he gave me a virtual hug. But unfortunately that was not enough, I needed the real thing. So what I have understood is physical intimacy is a requirement for relationships, to feel safe and make your heart and mind believe there are people who care for you.