Thursday, February 16, 2012


I just realized I have never been in Love, as in Love Love. I guess you get what I mean.
Anyways, as painfully am I accepting that fact. I want to share a few days of experience I had with a dear friend, who is in Love, Love. It’s beautiful, and I want me to have it too.

Ok, now for the characters of the story - Hot handsome, talented Mr. Salsa & Sweet adorable, Artistic Mr. Web. My friend is Mr. Salsa, I know him for quite sometime, a very vibrant positive guy. He had been in love lets say not just once, but in love love oh just once. And that magical feeling makes you go that extra mile. I used to say Christmas is the time when people go that extra mile for the loved and near ones, but now I have to rectify it and say be in LOVE.

Both of them are expatriates in Oman, and they met randomly but not just like that, but it happened. Oops my mistake, if Mr. Web read it he is gonna be furious, as he said, “we the met by the will of God”, and I have to agree it was written somewhere in HIS book that they are for each other. To me they are like Dark & White Chocolate, different, but sweet rich as individuals but awesome when together.

Mr. Web was in the country under work permit, but somehow the job was not how he was hoping it to be. Still he kept working (me personally won’t do it, I would have grumbled a lot), what ever he was asked to do. And in mean time Mr. Web & Mr. Salsa met. Frankly speaking Mr. Salsa, was blown away the first time he met Mr. Web. If it was by cuteness in the first glance, it was by his personality that won him over as the time proceeded. And when I say time proceeded it’s not like months or something but just few hours. They are in Love, and I am very happy for both.

As my work takes me to the interiors of Oman, I was not aware of the whole thing, and I guess I met him after week after the first meeting of the couple. And I have to say I was a bit skeptical, as I did not want him to go through a dramatic break up again, but I kept listening to him. Believe it or not but his eyes was sparkling, there was some aura of happiness. He was worried about Mr. Web’s work, how much he had to toil, and just because he is here on a different work permit rather than what he is talented and artistic enough to do. Fortunately for me, Mr. Web loves to capture moments of them together even if its shopping, eating out, walking around etc, and just having a glance on those you are able to feel the love both of them have for each other. Yes I know I am trying to write about their love, but I am not able to put it in words, its an experience guys. Be in love, not just love, but Love Love.

Anyways one fine day, they filed a legal case against the employer for malpractice, and Mr. Web won the case. But the catch was, he had to leave country. And that is fucking painful man. Yes of course he can come back to the country on a different permit, still the separation and the surety that when will he be back was unpredictable. I was unfortunate to see the pain of separation, and I never wish that upon anyone. Though Mr. Salsa speaks daily and does know what Mr. Web is doing, its that feeling of he not being in his arms, not getting the aroma of his body, and ofcourse the killer smile that tears him from with in. I was able to literally see him cry/ pain in his words, and I was so sorry that there was nothing I could do, but listen to him and hold his hand. Mr. Web’s entry permit processing was delayed due to many factors, and during all that time I found him to grow more in faith and love to the Almighty above. He truly believed that there is a higher power and He is testing their love and also is sending His angels to ease him out through the process. I have to say, I have never seen him so thankful and in faith. Love does make us a better person. Every time I met him, I felt he grew stronger in faith in God above and his love to Mr. Web.

And I am sure God is there looking down on all of us. I think this is the best example. Mr. Web came out to his family about his life & love of life Mr. Salsa, and believe it or not they are happy and both of them have their blessings. And though Mr. Salsa had not come out, come out about his life to his family, they knew and understood his love and affection that he has to Mr. Web. And do you know what Mr. Salsa’s family did called up Mr. Web, and welcomed him to their lives. He definitely knows what best for all of us, and always looks after us. I am sure oneday, ill experience this blessing of His.

Anyway coming back to the love birds, We (He along with all his friends and well wishers) were expecting the Visa permit on 14th Feb, still a day later doesn’t matter. Yesterday, he called me up by mid afternoon, and the moment I saw his name flash knew the good news is here. (I am not sure if I said thank you, so Thank you for answering all our prayers) He was crying with happiness, even in his sobs, I could feel his excitement and happiness. Just met him today few hours back, and he is like charged with love, as Mr. Web is arriving today evening, I am sure if he was able to make time the clock go faster he definitely would have……..:)

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah to both of you, and desperately wishing that you both will be by my side for my beach wedding. Hey I will have my love in my arms too, I am naughty but I don’t thnk I am bad, and He will bless me as he has done Mr. Salsa & Mr. Web.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Life As It Is

Jan 12th 2012, commemorated 1 year of our relation. Yet to christen it, don’t know what to christen it as or should I say I am afraid to call it as a love. Whatever it is, it’s almost a year since I met red wine. And weirdly I had stopped writing after meeting him, ok the reason for that was, I did not want him to accidentally discover my radical theories , and be blown away……
We hit off, when he had written to me responding to a statement I had made in my Manjam profile, regarding my desire to dance, and leave back all the stiffness of me. Spoke to him on phone, and had clicked off as he mentioned something off bollywood movie (guess most of you remember I am bollywood movie buff, and still is), and of course his profile name, stood apart. And these two factors made me overlook the fact that he was married and that too with a kid. Ya me being me, usually brushes off such personalities and move off, or should I say look for a better Anyways, the very same night we met, went for dinner and ended up in bed (all faults goes to the dinner – Turkish food). To me it was casual sex, but I guess it was not for him, and we started to meet daily, and ended up in bed. I should have realized things had started to change, but I did not, guess I need to get a new pair of glasses, anyways I think it was the lure of sex (don’t need to go hunting ) that made me overlook things.
Wanted or unwanted, I ve ended up in a relationship. And I know that its just a phase, and it will pass. But no idea if I wanted to see all the drama when it ends.
Oh boy the ride ain’t was smooth, a bloody roller coaster that it was, how many times did we fight, and weirdly most of our fights happen around 12 – 14 of every month, guess anniversary presents…lol. If I got to list the reasons its gonna be a long list, but I think ill touch the tip of the iceberg.
- Me not wanting to accept the fact that I am in a relationship and that too, to a married guy. (which still I have not been able to come into terms)
- His over protective nature & love, POSSESSIVENESS (makes me feel suffocated)
- He is bloody caring or should I say over caring. (Come on let me be me. Let me eat what and when I want)
- He spying on me (which made me all the more rebellious)
- He trying to tell me which all friends I can meet.
- He trying to control me as his wife, and wanting me to accompany him to most of the places (one day even I blurted out saying I am not your trophy to carry around, yup I can be mean)
- Sex was good, but sex everyday. It was good initially but later on it turned out to be like a routine.
To me sex is the booster for a relationship not the reason to be in a relationship. Sex has to be happily consensual if not then its rape atleast in my terms. I have to say they were certain instants when I felt, WTF.
Still, I have to say we had quite a good times. Trips to many places, long drives, I seriously like the night drives , mountains, caves, beaches, (even when to a secluded beach and I turned out to be He likes to celebrate the days, which is good but I am not a day celebration person. Ofcourse it has to be special, but not gaudy and pomp, but simple and elegant. Weirdly we had some tensions on most of these DAYS. Like Valentine’s Day, Birthday Pooja, Diwali, Christmas, you name it and was filled with tensions. I remember on valentine’s Day, I was with a friend of mine, and as we (atleast I) did not have plans, and he was not in town. But he just showed up, with flowers (Yes yes it was sweet) but I was not very happy. Yes I know its not easy living with me.
Hats off to him, to accept my tantrums. Have to agree how or whatever the relationship is, its not easy. It requires work man, strenuous mental work. Seriously man, be it hetro or homo relationship, its fucking hard and top if you got deadlines, and work pressures, it’s a hell of a ride.
Had broken off the whole thing, but we both were miserable. So I guess the logical thing to do was signing an MoU. It is working, we even had some group therapy session  after the MoU…

Guess we guys are depended on each other in a mutual way, but at the end of the day, the fact still remains he is married settled with a family, and I am still an outsider. The hunt for my life partner still continues….. (thankfully he has accepted that fact). And on the background there is still the pressure of marriage from my parents, and I am sure its gonna increase as my cousin is getting married in few days time. Have not found a way to break the news to them that I don’t want to marry a girl.

Anyways, having written all that, I guess its ok if I say “Where art though, love of my life?”
Could not resist posting the relationship status chart. Where do you guys stand?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Friends With Special Benefits

An Article which i came across

If you've willingly boycotted the 'Commitments-cum-Expectations' camp long back, 'Friends with Benefits' (FWBs) is probably the thing you're looking for.

For your frame of reference, this fad defines a mutually beneficial relationship between two friends who indulge in casual sex with no bonds or expectations involved. In an age when all that people think of is adding digits to their bank balance, this trend has become quite a rage. Commitment might have taken a backseat but the desire for pleasure never will.

On being asked reasons as to why this trend has come into being, relationship therapist, Rachna Kothari says "Some reasons would be, the mere known fact that two friends are physically attracted to each other and can benefit each other (most often sexually), the want of pleasure or feeling of loneliness in a person or exes wanting to be in a physical relationship with no label attached. For those who believe they live in a culture that pursues individualism as the highest goal, it makes this relationship more pragmatic. Because there is no commitment or responsibility, one is free from feelings of hurt, pain, etc. and this can be a very honest and practical way of going about in relationships."

It is for sure, considering how comfortable one is with the idea, 'Friends with Benefits' is not a bad way to go about relationships. But then again, it is not all that easy. Here are certain dos and don'ts while being a FWBs.

Most times, in such a relationship, it is difficult to maintain proximity after you're done with your physical needs. Don't hook up with someone you are extremely close to or someone you can't do without on a regular basis. People generally say that women tend to fall in love with their partners after getting physical. But studies break that myth. It is normal that the moment you have had sexual intercourse, the body naturally emits hormones which generate feelings of love and affection. Sometimes, one of the partners agrees to being 'friends with benefits' just because they have feelings for the other and think that having casual sex would actually initiate sparks for the onset of a relationship. This can lead to heartbreak or a break in friendship or, in a worse scenario, both.

If, god willing, you fall in love at some point, this past phase can provoke doubt in your current relationship. FWBs can be a human interference when you're in a real relationship. Your current love can actually be insecure (and we see no fault in that) because of this so-called past-bed-buddy. If the FWB is an acquaintance, it's easy to break ties once you both have satisfied your physical needs.

Remember, it's about having an unspoken agreement between you and your friend to have occasional sex, leaving out the emotional baggage. You both should acknowledge this. Make sure the signal 'We're not lovers' is clear. Don't nestle or cuddle everytime you get an opportunity. Even sympathy sex is a no-no. This paves way to wanting more than just sex.

Rachna Kothari says, "Mutually, if two friends agree that there's no expectations, no commitments, then it's not detrimental because their attitudes are set right for this. But for those who believe that lovemaking and not mechanical sex is what's important, it is obviously detrimental as it violates every bit of their expectations."

Make sure the intimacy of this relationship is just between the two of you, without making it a public deal. Don't brag about what a love muffin you are. The friendship could be gone with the wind.

Comfort is the key word while being FWBs. You need not be worried about concealing that birthmark which you've always disliked, or those flabs you couldn't lose in the gym or whether you will perform well in bed. Just enjoy the moments without fretting much.

Most importantly, play safe. Don't just hook up without taking precautions. A bubbly night or a stressful day should be no excuse to not use protection before sex. Make sure you don't end up panic struck because of this risky relationship.

Maintaining friends with sexual benefits can be quite a hassle unless you stick by the ground rules. There is no harm being offbeat in relationships, but not acting in accordance to the rules would just lead to your life going haywire.

Readers' opinions
T V N Rao (Bangalore)

This is nothing but animal behaviour. Humans are gifted with emotions such as love, likes, dislikes, hatred and so on. These traits differentiate us from animals. How can anybody say sex without that bliss of oneness is really sex. Why we do call sex also by alternative name "Making love". Why minority behaviour is being projected as a major trend. Is TOI trying to lead the people with examples like this? Are we going to simply accept this dovetails with ambitions of being a professional person with individualism. How does it differ from Prostitution without monetary gain?

nikhil ajmera (Bangalore)
21 Mar, 2011 02:56 PM
This kind of articles, are in fact spoiling the future of the Indian culture, we Indians have always believed in live for each other and live happily, not to live for self. Articles like this spread the concept of new life in the thoughts of the upcoming youths, of whom may be we find our own people later. Sooner a day will come in India, where a parent will not believe the friends of their kids and Kids will not like parents interrupting in their personal life. WTF is this.

Ankur (Mumbai) replies to nikhil ajmera
21 Mar, 2011 08:48 PM
Nikhil, We like it or no this is a running rage and its about time we face it.I probably may not indulge into such activities but looking at the way things are changing in India I am not sure if my son or daughter wont do it.Its better that the do's and don'ts be out ..clear and loud so that the coming generations who indulge in such acts at least know what they should be avoiding to avoid the hurt.People will do what they want to do, but I would have appreciated that at least half of the length of the article was dedicated to dissuade youngsters from doing it.

raj (kgf)
21 Mar, 2011 02:21 PM
BENNET COLEMAN & CO....hmmm... ofcourse...this kind of nuisance is nothin' new from your stable ...keep penning in more ...let the truth prevail.....stop GLORIFYING SUCH ACTS.....we respect your esteemed newspaper

sanjiv (London)
19 Mar, 2011 11:48 PM
why are we making fuss about this article? it is very common in UK here - making friends first, take them to pub- both become drunk and then go to either place and enjoy the night and forget in the morning. Our culture sometimes gives us very strict environment which does not produce very good situation.

Reddy (Hyderabad) replies to sanjiv
20 Mar, 2011 02:46 AM
If this is that much common then why still they are showing love in movies and marriage relations? That means according to you we will not come to know to whom they born right...

naveen (bangalore)
19 Mar, 2011 06:44 PM
what the f**k is this. Is there no diginity left in us.whats the point in being the most advanced and dominant species in this planet, if we still behave like low life dogs, just looking for pleasure whenever needed. Stop this menace and start living a dignified and good moral life

Your thoughts???

Monday, January 3, 2011

Complicated Pregnancy = Life

I was reading a post by ‘Single I the City’, had opened it hoping to hear he had a good time being in India. It turned out to be Mr. Hussain’s life journey. Hussain is his friend who is gay but he has married. Though earlier I would have said is he nuts but now I don’t. No I am not going to rewrite his blog, you guys can read it at ‘Out of India’, but I’ll have to say the reason which Mr. Hussain has given is more than thought provoking.

Hey look at all the gays around you, most of us are single and pathetic. Ok some of you might say hey I ve got a boy friend, its fine with me cool, but is that a Long Term Relationship? I am not sure if infidelity is a common thing only in gay relationships or is it equal for both in heterosexual or straight relationship. Ok let me make myself clear, what I mean by infidelity is we rarely do stay with one single guy throughout. Let alone even if we are with a boy friend we do lustfully stare at other hot guys and crave to have a night with him, may be even threesome. So my question, Are there any issues of being gay but still getting married to a girl?

We all crave for companionship rather than sex (unless it’s carnal pleasure only), so is there anything wrong in having a legal companion? No I am not taking about Marriage of Convenience, but actual marriage. But if you think morally it’s not good, Cheating, a mortal sin in whatever angle we look at. But if we don’t term it as cheating I don’t find any hassles in it. 3 - 4 Years back I remember meeting a guy back in my home town, for coffee, a decent young man, guess of late 30’s. He had told me he is married, my usual mode of action is just passover, but this guy seemed interesting and I spoke to him, and finally met him for coffee. Of course the main aim of meeting him, was to ask, WHY? which I obviously did. He replied, he loves his wife and his happy with his life, but he also gay so has to keep his attraction to guys at balance. Seriously I did not understand what this guy meant but I kinda respected it. Eventually I had to move out of town so did not keep in touch also I was having that guilt feeling, will I be a reason for some tensions in his married life and stuff. But to think about it now, guess I understand him much clearly.

Hey don’t get the idea that I am saying yes to marriage. I seriously don’t want to; neither do I believe in Marriage of Convenience (Gay marrying a Lesbian). Did I tell you guys that I had actually received a marriage proposal, a MoC from a girl through Planet Romeo? I was actually thrilled to receive it, and I told the same to a very dear friend of mine ‘Emotion Running Wild’

(same guy). He just asked me one question, Open Relationship and Marriage of Convenience are all fine, but are you that open minded to allow your wife to go and have sex with another lady, or may be share your bedroom? I did not answer that question, and he said, No, No one is. Even though I did not answer that, my silence was agreeing to him, may be the lesbian community might call me a Male Chauvinist and stuff. But yes 90% of us guys are Male Chauvinists.

Hey no offence lesbians, but I seriously don’t understand the concept. May be because I don’t have any lesbian friends or have not come across any lesbian blogs to get your perspective or because I am gay, never understood the contours of female anatomy. I was watching this movie “The Trip”, and there is the receptionist at Out Loud speaking to a lady.
“You Know I can understand two guys doing it, because something there is to grab hold down there, but two girls I mean, you got to have something to sink your teeth in to, right?”
Any comments on that? I have to agree to her.

Coming back the topic, Does you as a person comes first or your family? Yes in India, family is a requirement for marriage rather than love. And of course, the non supportive legal stand on homosexuality does support straight marriage. Hey it’s true; rarely do we see gay men above 30 yrs, who are single in India.

I am not saying any of these:
1) gays have to get married to girl and live secretive life to satisfy their cravings,
2) gays have to opt for MoC,
3) marry a gay guy where its permitted legally
4) Have an open relationship
5) remain single

What I am saying is I have got not a clue.

The priest said on Sunday’s gospel that, Life is a Calling – as a priest, or as family personnel, or as a singlet. I don’t think life is that less complicated.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Movie Marathon

Today 26.10.2010 was gay movie marathon day for me. Was watching “Glee”, yesterday and I dozed off, no idea what time, and when I woke up, computer was still on. And the first thing which I saw was my pen drive. Got some good movies from a friend of mine and was yet to watch it. So I thought let watch a movie before I get up. And I plugged in the drive, and started to watch the movies. The first one which I chose was ‘Power Tools’, which accidently happened to be XXX movie, so watched it and of course had to bring down the morning boner. Hey guys any idea why do we get a bonner in the morning?

After which I switched on to “Summer Storm”, a feel good movie of friends, and how if you got the right friends we get the power to do what is true to oneself. As the main character says, “Can’t I kiss the girl because I am Gay”, what he is just implying is we are like you.

“Spin the Bottle”, I am sorry but I have not a clue what the movie was trying to say, but I have to say Jonah, he is hot. And his sweet revenge, not sure if he planned it or not, but yes I liked.

“The Trip”
, was simply over the top. Kind of hated the 70’s look but have to say the he can pull of whatever the look is. He is cute he is hot, and got a boyish charm appealing to people. Something which I understood was, if your love is true, where ever you go or whatever you do or how separate you are, if you know he is nearby you will rush to him.

"Yossi & Jagger", you can fall in love anywhere. Be it the icy cold mountains of border patrol. At the end, there is scene, where his (Jagger) mom tells that she did not really know her son. And it was Yossi, who had to tell her that her son’s favourite song was The Soul by Rita. Hey we don’t want to be closeted anymore, dear brothers, sisters, parents, relatives, do you know what my favourite song is?

“Logger heads”, loved the turtles, but sorry apart from that, hmmmm I don’t know. Movie seemed very much intense, actually too complicated for me.

“East Side Story”, was simply entertaining. I just love Mexicans, on the contrary the whole of Latinos. I just love Spanish, Portuguese, sorry don’t understand a single word they say, but I have to say there is passion in language, Seems to convey lot of emotion. And I actually like their English, kind of exotic. Fell in love after watch the movie ‘Women On Top’, Penelope Cruz and her chilli, Woooooh. Ok coming back to the ‘East Side Story’, it is a simple movie, no underlying message and stuff, very colourful and vibrant. A feel good movie, happy thoughts.

Then i switched to a movie “Pedro”. Frankly speaking i was looking a bit of that Latin touch. Yes it did satisfy my Latin craving as Pedro was Mexican basically, but I did not even notice that. It is great great movie, of course an emotional one and I was crying and crying, actually I did not even realize it, but yes it’s a very touching movie. It’s about Pedro, an HIV +ve, who uses his life to educate the masses about HIV and to use protection always be it Vaginal or Anal sex. Actually it’s a true story.

Pedro reminded me of another movie, from my own bollywood, “My Brother Nikhil”, again another awesome movie. It’s about the fight of a Swimming champion who gets affected with HIV to get accepted, and to make people understand that HIV is a disease and anyone can contradict it. Apart from that there is one more reason I love the move, Purab is one of the actors, and I love him, actually I guess it’s because one of my class mates happed to tell me that I look like I ve got no idea, how does he look like me, according to her, it’s our mannerism. God knows what the heck that is. Hey no complaints, I do adore him.

Yup, I have not had a thing to eat accept for cakes and chocolates. Hey did I tell any of you that I shall keep some for you, then I am sorry. Anyways, in the movies list I see 2 more prominent names that I have heard, it’s “Latter Days” & “Shelter”; of course ill watch them pretty soon.

Ok leaving movies apart, let me take time to thank Phunk, in sharing with me “Cherry on the Top” blog award. Thanks a zillion times (hey is zillion a word?). He had urged all his winners to write more, and for a few days I was feeling dry for words or I guess it was the mood. Wanted to write about a party which I had been to.
Hey did I tell you guys that I had my birthday last month, if not 25th Nov was my birthday. So first week of December few of my colleagues had been in town, and they wanted a party, so I said yes and we all went to a dance bar. A Dance bar, ooooooo, I hated it. This is the second time I ve ever been to a dance bar, and I hated it both the times. I don’t get it what is it that people enjoy. It’s basically few women trying to dance, according to me the term dance bar is totally inappropriate and the whole set up is awful, come-on people, it’s supposed to be a bar. All bright lights and the seating are in an examination hall style, and on top once u enter all the waiter’s comes in an shakes your hand. I can’t be rude so I shook the hands, I did it as I thought my colleagues knew them, but it’s later I realised they do the same for all. Hey to me a bar is a place to sit and chat under dim light, don’t mind if it’s lit up if I am at the counter.

Oops as always I end up in a different topic, you know me guys. If my literature beans do not germinate before 31st, its Happy New Year 2011 to all of you. Kisses.