Life As It Is

Jan 12th 2012, commemorated 1 year of our relation. Yet to christen it, don’t know what to christen it as or should I say I am afraid to call it as a love. Whatever it is, it’s almost a year since I met red wine. And weirdly I had stopped writing after meeting him, ok the reason for that was, I did not want him to accidentally discover my radical theories , and be blown away……
We hit off, when he had written to me responding to a statement I had made in my Manjam profile, regarding my desire to dance, and leave back all the stiffness of me. Spoke to him on phone, and had clicked off as he mentioned something off bollywood movie (guess most of you remember I am bollywood movie buff, and still is), and of course his profile name, stood apart. And these two factors made me overlook the fact that he was married and that too with a kid. Ya me being me, usually brushes off such personalities and move off, or should I say look for a better hunt...lol. Anyways, the very same night we met, went for dinner and ended up in bed (all faults goes to the dinner – Turkish food). To me it was casual sex, but I guess it was not for him, and we started to meet daily, and ended up in bed. I should have realized things had started to change, but I did not, guess I need to get a new pair of glasses, anyways I think it was the lure of sex (don’t need to go hunting ) that made me overlook things.
Wanted or unwanted, I ve ended up in a relationship. And I know that its just a phase, and it will pass. But no idea if I wanted to see all the drama when it ends.
Oh boy the ride ain’t was smooth, a bloody roller coaster that it was, how many times did we fight, and weirdly most of our fights happen around 12 – 14 of every month, guess anniversary presents…lol. If I got to list the reasons its gonna be a long list, but I think ill touch the tip of the iceberg.
- Me not wanting to accept the fact that I am in a relationship and that too, to a married guy. (which still I have not been able to come into terms)
- His over protective nature & love, POSSESSIVENESS (makes me feel suffocated)
- He is bloody caring or should I say over caring. (Come on let me be me. Let me eat what and when I want)
- He spying on me (which made me all the more rebellious)
- He trying to tell me which all friends I can meet.
- He trying to control me as his wife, and wanting me to accompany him to most of the places (one day even I blurted out saying I am not your trophy to carry around, yup I can be mean)
- Sex was good, but sex everyday. It was good initially but later on it turned out to be like a routine.
To me sex is the booster for a relationship not the reason to be in a relationship. Sex has to be happily consensual if not then its rape atleast in my terms. I have to say they were certain instants when I felt, WTF.
Still, I have to say we had quite a good times. Trips to many places, long drives, I seriously like the night drives , mountains, caves, beaches, (even when to a secluded beach and I turned out to be naughty..lol). He likes to celebrate the days, which is good but I am not a day celebration person. Ofcourse it has to be special, but not gaudy and pomp, but simple and elegant. Weirdly we had some tensions on most of these DAYS. Like Valentine’s Day, Birthday Pooja, Diwali, Christmas, you name it and was filled with tensions. I remember on valentine’s Day, I was with a friend of mine, and as we (atleast I) did not have plans, and he was not in town. But he just showed up, with flowers (Yes yes it was sweet) but I was not very happy. Yes I know its not easy living with me.
Hats off to him, to accept my tantrums. Have to agree how or whatever the relationship is, its not easy. It requires work man, strenuous mental work. Seriously man, be it hetro or homo relationship, its fucking hard and top if you got deadlines, and work pressures, it’s a hell of a ride.
Had broken off the whole thing, but we both were miserable. So I guess the logical thing to do was signing an MoU. It is working, we even had some group therapy session  after the MoU…..lol.

Guess we guys are depended on each other in a mutual way, but at the end of the day, the fact still remains he is married settled with a family, and I am still an outsider. The hunt for my life partner still continues….. (thankfully he has accepted that fact). And on the background there is still the pressure of marriage from my parents, and I am sure its gonna increase as my cousin is getting married in few days time. Have not found a way to break the news to them that I don’t want to marry a girl.

Anyways, having written all that, I guess its ok if I say “Where art though, love of my life?”
Could not resist posting the relationship status chart. Where do you guys stand?