What do you Call it?

What do I call our relationship as? Ya it’s me itself who had said “I hate Tagging”. Neither do I want it to be tagged. But if I ever was to call our relationship, some name I am not sure what will it be? Maybe ‘Friendship with special privileges’, Hmmmmm Na I don’t think it can be engrossed in those 4 words. It is more than that. May be crush could be the more appropriate word.

Again, crush is not the word; guess there is no word in English dictionary that can portray my exact feeling. May be its Crush and More, whatever be it. It just reminded me of what Nathan said to Phunk; “I think you like being in a relation that's why you kept having one crush after another!"’. True very true I am looking for a relationship, or should I put it this way desperately looking for love. But unfortunately whomever I have a probability of falling in relationship comes with an extra baggage.

I met him through a friend of mine. I did not have even the wildest clue that I’ll be meeting someone. But the moment I said Hello to him it was,................ a connection at first glance. You must have heard love at first sight and stuff. It was definitely not one of those. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I don’t remember we having that uncomfortable formal chats, we did speak freely, personal, job related, whatever topics that we could think of under the sky........you know the friends chat. Anyways then a few days later after the initial meet, we met up for a bite, had chats, and then went separate ways. (Don’t think naughty). Mostly on every day we used to talk, and our friendship grew. Twice I invited him over dinner (had 2 reasons (1) I would get time to spent with him (2) I don’t like going to fine dining restaurants alone), but unfortunately it never worked out. Whenever it comes to Us it never works out, the claws of fate to prevent us. Even tried meeting up before I left for vacation, and I’d have to say I was bloody pissed that even it did not happen. Left with a heavy heart. Even when at home had spoken to him, and once when I called he was sick. And it scared me to the core; he was admitted to the hospital with a bleeding nose. Thankfully he recovered soon.


Upon my arrival the first thing I did was sent message to him announcing my touchdown, and the weird thing was the message was showing pending. Don’t remember what my reaction was, but I did mix up my luggage with someone, and had to rush back to the airport to resolve the issue. Anyways, he had lost his cell or something, and taken a new number, which I was not aware of. When I got is call the very next day I was like, jumping with Joy. The rush of happiness that I felt when I heard his voice was unbelievable. Met him the next day, though in an uncomfortable situation we managed to have a kiss. Oh that one single kiss was enough to turn my whole world upside down. From then on most of our talks included flirting, (hey don’t mistake it as dirty talks) it was pure unadulterated flirting, mixed with general things; music seemed to be a very good bond underlying. Somehow under all this jealousy or possessiveness was creeping in among us at least for me.

Though both of us have time on Friday, we have never been able to meet. Mostly on Thursday evenings its parties and stuff that extends up to late early mornings, which drains out the energy. Yes we did meet, usually Thursday afternoons. An hour is never sufficient for chatting, music and passion (which is late bloomer). But lately I ve begun to feel angry, or heartbroken, as rarely does our plans works out. Not sure if it’s not working out or he does not want it to work out, but for every broken plans there is some story. True or not I don’t know, but the bottom line remains “We don’t get to meet”................... and it’s killing me.

I am not saying he is the love of my life though I want him to be the one, but for various reasons he is not the one or he can’t be the one. Yes he is a special friend a dear friend, and will remain forever. Will be a fairytale ending, of happily ever after, I want it too.